Heart Meditations

Get Ready for a Rant... 

   I have really struggled lately with not speaking up on social media about the hatred and bigotry I see in people I know who claim Christ. I realize that a lot of this is not intentional and not meant in a negative way, but when I see people vote for such a selfish, ignorant, hate-filled president, I think, "How do I in good conscience not tell them they are wrong? How do I not say anything when it is so apparent?" The fire to "fix" the person flares up in me. This is something God is working on in me, He is teaching me when to say something, and when to be quiet. 

   First of all, I am a number 2 on the enneagram, which means I am "the Helper," I put others before myself TO A FAULT (And this is not being said to say "hey, look at me, I am a great person, wohoo, but to state a point." ) I can't tell you how many times in the last 29 years I have burnt myself out (like I have burnt many a fried chicken on my skillet, by walking away...) giving and giving and GIVING, and never giving a chance for myself to refill. Not realizing and understanding that giving of yourself just because the Bible says "you have to" is not what God or Jesus wants of us. She wants our hearts to be IN IT. And I have been guilty of doing things "for Christ" out of guilt--and I am learning guilt is not of God: it's of man. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, but that is something ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. 

   I was brought up to believe you give to God, others, and then yourself. I would like to say this is not always the case, sometimes you have to refill YOURSELF first. (I can hear them now....HERESY!) You can't be expected to give, suck yourself dry, and then ask God to fix you. This is something I have learned about myself in the last few years, I am realizing I need to refill my cup before I try and refill others. I am learning I truly cannot refill someone else's passion and love for life and God without making sure I don't ignore my own cup in the process.

   I was brought up to believe the Bible (and my church's view of it) was inerrant. I was told if I had questions or doubts I just wasn't believing hard enough. I was taught straight couples were God's plan and Gay/Lesbian/Transexual couples were us going against "God's natural plan for creation" (Genesis 1 was often quoted at me as a fact for this belief.) I was also taught that "homosexual" sex was abominable and made it so you couldn't be close to God. I came to learn later in life that the word "Homosexuality" wasn't even a word in the greek and aramaic language at the time when the Bible was first written, it has been misinterpreted by fallen man over the years to fulfill the normal, "straight agenda" (You like that? Straight couples like to say the "gay agenda" so I thought I would use some ironic humor...) Through years of research and reading articles both for and against LGBTQ people I have seen one common theme, anti-LGBTQ has NOTHING to do with the message of JESUS and EVERYTHING to do with PEOPLE not understanding or caring enough to realize that WE are humans too. We feel pain, we want love, we want to spread LOVE. 

   Not to ruffle any more feathers, but there has been research done that states sometimes LGBTQ people love MORE than heterosexual "normal couples," and in regards to "non-traditional parents" adopting--there is more love in the home, because we have to deal with such hate, bigotry, and Bible-thumping people telling us we are "sinful." We learn so much sympathy and compassion for those different from us. I will never regret being born gay, because it has made me stronger and more loving I feel. I am by no means saying straight people CAN'T be loving or compassionatep--quite the opposite, I am saying they SHOULD, but the amount of straight people I have seen who claim Christ, but are against women's rights, LGBTQ's, Equal rights, and voted for Trump are appalling! I am not saying I am perfect--I AM NOT, but I am saying I will never stop fighting against ANYTHING other than LOVE--this is what we need. If my words sting a bit or make you tense up and feel "attacked," maybe you need to step back and examine your life a little. See if maybe God is trying to speak to you? He is constantly showing me ways in which I need to let go and let HER move. She sees our pain and is there. I will never stop growing or speaking out on the MORAL subjects (these aren't just POLITICAL) that some Christians may find awkward or uncomfortable talking about. Let's try and make 2022 a year of LOVE shall we? 

PEACE!

-Jonathan