My Coming Out Day

     

   

    Today marks 15 years since I came out to my family and my home church. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions since then. There had been days when I struggled to decide whether I had made the right decision or just thrown myself and my family into a constant scripture-interpretation feud.  It was hard early on, because my brain and so much of what I had been indoctrinated into was so deeply rooted in my faith, that I couldn't figure out what was God's voice and the voice of my upbringing.

    I have read a lot of books, on both sides (thanks to my family members trying to tell me I could be "healed"), along with my Bible, and honestly, it has taken years to break out of the fear and molding of the evangelical church. I feel like after the 1st presidency of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I truly started to see just how control-built and not-of-Christ the evangelical church could be. I saw how they viewed current events, and I struggled to keep my mouth shut about things. I even lost some friends over it, as you can imagine.

    During this second term, however, I have seen just how twisted and truly evil the evangelical church is. Not the people, but the religion as a whole. I don't blame my family and friends who are still stuck in the cult of evangelical/white Christian nationalism; it's not their fault per se. Though I wouldn't give a full pardon because they are complicit in the harm being done both to immigrants and the LGBTQIA+ Community in the name of "Jesus." I've gotten to a point in this second term where I am angry, and I can't shut up about it. Seeing the harm and remorseless threat of churches that claim Jesus and show satan boils my blood. I find it extremely interesting when these same people comment on Facebook posts about the harm being done and people's lives being under attack with things like "God is on the throne" and "that's what happens when you attack government officials," or my favorite, "The devil is using you." When all I want is for people to not be attacked, living in fear and marginalized because of how they live or move through life. The fear and misinformation being spread like a cancer through our nation breaks my heart. 

    I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I do not think--nor would I ever--that I am better than anyone else. I am human, and I make mistakes daily, but with God's help, I try to be a decent human being who cares for others, even if I don't understand their way of being. Someone who views people as sacred, whether they believe the same way as me or not. We are called to LOVE no matter your religion or upbringing. Jesus taught us the way, and it's funny because the life of Jesus was what started the deconstruction of my upbringing. It was certain speakers at youth events, the judgment of "living in sin" I saw daily in the sermons at churches growing up, that started my questioning of things. I thought my faith just wasn't strong enough, but then I found Jesus, the REAL Jesus, and realized my faith had become strong BECAUSE of my questions. I will continue to speak up and OUT about these things because I believe that is what Jesus calls us to do. THAT is the "Good news" not saving from eternal damnation like they want you to think...It's that the table is big enough for ALL AND, LOVE WINS. PERIOD. 

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